Some (REAL) Scenarios
Plus two?? A couple I know ran into a friend who is invited to their wedding and has been given a plus one. He (loudly) asked, "How about a plus two?" and gestured to his mom and girlfriend.
Mini-mony Though smaller weddings and elopements are trending, many people still assume they are invited to your wedding and will say things like, "I can't wait to come!"
Coworkers Of course you'll share your impending nuptials at work but once again you'll have some assumptions coming from people who you've never had any desire to see outside of work.
Family Assumptions So much assuming! Does your mom think it will be scandalous not to invite her cousin (She was at your baptism!)? Does your father in law think his best friend should be invited (He golfs with him every weekend!)
Kids Does the idea of a child crying during your vows give you a migraine? Do you want to invite your nieces and nephews but no other kids? Some parents may be offended if you invite them and not their offspring or just assume (again) that their kids are invited.
Some Solutions
Offer an alternative "Our venue has met its limit but we would love to celebrate with you at another time!" "We cannot invite any more people but we will have a streaming option that you can view." "We want you to be able to truly enjoy yourself at your reception so we will have provided childcare for you to utilize."
Be explicit On your invitation, make sure to specify the number of spots reserved. "We have reserved two seats for you"
Be honest "Our venue has a limited number of people it can hold." "We are having an intimate event and can't wait to have you but there's no room for additional people."
Be flexible "Currently we don't have any extra room, but if someone declines we would love to allow your girlfriend to attend" "I understand that you are traveling from out of state and don't have anyone to take care of your baby. I will make an exception."
Put your money where your mouth is "Mom, I can't afford to pay for the seating and food for your friends but if you would contribute the difference we can make it work!"
Have a friend See if one of your friends is willing to explain wedding etiquette to a friend asking for additional plus ones (make sure they have a good relationship).
Have a bouncer I've never seen this in practice but I have heard of weddings having a guest list that you must be on in order to get in. I would recommend this being a hired venue worker and not just a family friend.
It is fully up to you which solutions you use. If you do not want to allow your family to pay the difference for more guests, don't offer it as an option. If "no children" is a hard and fast rule you are allowed to stick to that. It is okay if people choose not to RSVP to your wedding because it won't work for them- no need to be offended.
Let me know if you are dealing with a sticky not-invited situation! I'd love to help you out.
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